Singleness is a Blessing
Singleness is a gift, and one I’d say, for me, has gotten better with time. But it wasn’t time alone that allowed me to see the beauty of singleness, as there were years when it felt like a prison. I hankered for a spouse, prayed and prayed and prayed for God to send me a husband. The reasons I needed this husband were both numerous and rudimentary: I was lonely, I felt like marriage was a natural next step, I was looking for acceptance. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and I truly enjoy seeing people grow in love and rear children. But where I lacked context was God’s intention for singleness. Being reared in the church, I’d grown to see marriage as an abstract inevitability. Of course, I will get married and have children because that is what you do. Singleness was a season of life from which one narrowly escapes. Singleness was the prerequisite for marriage, but it was not a place for one to exist in the long term. Marriage was inadvertently marketed as a mile marker for spiritual maturity, and, in many cases, the goal. Marriage was the prize for good behavior. So here I am, being as good as I know how to be, and there isn’t a man in sight.
This incorrect view of God’s intent for both singleness and marriage caused a lot of pain for many years. Each year I was “still” single became another year God forgot me. My singleness became a liability, a condition with which I was afflicted. But God is a good God and would not allow those damaging views to remain. One year, I’d just moved to a new city for a new job and was unpacking my new apartment, and I thought to myself, “Why do I have to do and deal with everything alone?” If I’d moved here with a family, at least I would have their company. So, I did a little dating, met some nice young men. After about five dates, I called my mother and said, “I don’t think I need a husband.” She said, “You don’t get married because you need a husband.” Perfect. Like a carousel, moments from my life came back to me. I began to see all the things I’d accomplished, the places I’d lived, traveled to, friends I’d made, and holidays spent with family, as a single woman. I saw how God was with me every step of the way. How it was He who got me that job, He who brought me that friend, He who told me what salary to ask for.
God is present. Over and over we see God explicitly stating that he is with his children in Genesis 28:15, Joshua 1:9, and Matthew 28:20 to name a few. When God sends his children to a place to accomplish a work, he goes with them. From Genesis to Revelation, we see God’s faithfulness. No matter where His children were, He was right there with them, making a way out of no way. I’m not sure where the idea that being single meant that you were alone came from, but I’m glad to know it isn’t true.
About a year after coming to the realization that I didn’t need a husband, I said, “I’ve been single a long time, let me see what’s here.” From that moment, I haven’t looked back. Like anything else in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Asking myself this question allowed me to look inward. It gave me permission to work on my relationship with myself, see God in a new way, and come to learn that He already was, in many ways, doing what I’d longed for a man to do. God is my Lord, protector, provider, doctor, lawyer, friend, confidant, and defender. Putting the work into my singleness has allowed me to see this department of life in a new way. It has allowed me to be more present in my friendships, to serve more gratefully, and live more generously. It has also allowed me to understand that God is not keeping anything good from me. Yes, marriage is a blessing, and so is being single. There are blessings that are singular to each of these departments of life. One of the best outcomes of this work is that I no longer look down on myself. I no longer see my life in terms of the one thing I do not have, but that which I do: I have a God who sees, loves, and cares for me, a family who loves me, great friends, ambition, drive, good health, no credit card debt, and the list goes on. The single years, however long they are, are to be lived well and free.
1 Corinthians 7:32 says, “But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord…” As I now endeavor to live in agreement with this verse, I believe the greatest accomplishment of my single years is this: learning to live free of earthly concern, and to be chiefly concerned with the things of the Lord.
